She's Here!!!

Our beautiful Natalie Joy graced the world with her presence on October, 18th 2013 at 8:08 am. She weighed a whopping one ounce bigger than her big brother at 7 lbs 3 oz and 19 3/4 inches long.

She is truly such an angel, and has the sweetest spirit already. Such a sweetheart! She came out with a dark head full of hair, and has the most piercing beautiful eyes, the most perfect mouth and nose and the cutest ears. Her fingers and toes are so slender and long. She reminds me a ton of Nick's Italian side of the family...our little Italian princess :).  She definitely however reminds me of John with certain facial expressions shes makes and how she wiggles and squirms around. I have caught myself a couple times saying, baby John on accident. Mother brain...because I can't blame it on pregnancy one anymore. lol.

Natalie is so petite, little and absolutely loves being held. She is just so cuddly and cute so who wouldn't want to?! But, of course this made sleeping the first night home from the hospital rather difficult for mommy. She just wanted to be cuddled, rocked and held and feed all night, but I wouldn't trade a sleepless night or no wink of sleep for anything in the world with her. So I guess I'll catch up on my sleep when they both leave the nest one day. Feeding wise....this little girl loves to feed! She winded up losing more than 10% of her body weight in the hospital so I was trying to cluster feed her in the hospital and pump to get my milk to come in more, and then when it finally did its like shes been catching up ever since. Last night, her first night home, I seriously couldn't keep up with her feeding demands so I found myself frantically pumping, breast feeding and giving her little ready to feed Similac bottles in between. It was a pretty funny moment and one I'll never forget. She was a little woman on a feeding mission. She has her first pediatrician appointment in the morning so I am eager to see how much she has gained since Sunday. Overall, my milk is coming in great and she breast feeds wonderfully.

Update on big brother John. He is just so infatuated with Natalie. Every time he sees her he just lights up, and when one of us is holding her he just runs over to her with the biggest grin and immediately wants to give her kisses. He then tries to rub her head, but its more of like a half pat that always winds up with us having to remind him to be gentle...but he is still little himself and is still learning. Daddy had set up her swing in the living room the day before she came home and once we saw John flip it over we had to go to plan B. So now we have her in a bouncer sitting in the upper part of a pack n play deck area in our living room while we are down stairs during the day. Every time she cries...John runs over to the pack and play and up on his tippy toes he goes to lean over and see her. He usually responds with "uh oh" and then he is off on his next little adventure. Seeing him around her melts my heart. I can't wait till she is a bit older, sitting up and interacting, so I can really see them a bit more in action together. I just know he is gonna be the sweetest big brother ever. I pray they are uber close, best friends and he is a protector over her. I sure he will because he is such a sweetheart himself.

Update on Daddy. He has absolutely amazed me since we have been home. He should get the "Dad of the Year" award, and I am not just saying that because I am biased and because he is my husband, but if there ever was one...I would nominate him a thousand times over. He has been so hands on, patient and doing all these multi-tasking things that I have never seen him do before. I haven't been able to do much since I am not only recovering from delivery, but from an abdominal surgery as well. I have to be super cautious about weight lifting, bending, climbing stairs, etc. I can't go go go like I use to until I heal completely. I so badly want to get down on the floor and roll around with John, pick him up from his crib, carrying him up the stairs, or pick him up when he is crying and pulling on my pants legs, but I can't and this is when Nick comes in. But this too shall pass and I know in a few weeks I will be back to my old self again. Nick offered to take Natalie and John downstairs this morning so I could get some much needed sleep. When I came down stairs this afternoon after napping I came down to a completely clean kitchen, living room, John was fed, Natalie was fed and napping again, and a load of clothes were almost done drying. He is truly my hero. I am so thankful for him and this time that he has off work so he can help me and so we can spend time together as a new family of 4.

As far as birth and delivery. Many knew I had planned a Vbac birth with Natalie. Something I had a huge desire for. It was at our 40 week check up that Nick and I decided to forgo the Vbac plans and schedule a repeat c-section at 40 1/2 weeks. We were concerned about waiting it out any longer, and the risk of getting Natalie here safe was at the forefront of my heart and mind that whole week. I just felt like things kept falling through the weeks leading up to my due date. My contractions kept stalling out, I wasn't progressing as far as dilation and effacement like I had hoped I would (not that all these things are indicators of a successful vaginal birth or not), but I had hoped to see more progress, and I just felt like something wasn't right. Ultimately, I felt uncomfortable in my spirit about waiting it out any longer to go into labor on my own and attempt this Vbac. Nick and I sat in the doctors office and prayed over this decision then we immediately had this peace that we knew this was the right way to go. That peace was nothing but the Lords. His will and presence was so evident in that operating room during Natalie's delivery. I am so thankful and stand in awe once more of just how great our God is.

During the surgery we found out that I had a uterine window (super thin stretched out area that you can see through) near my previous old incision scar and when our Doctor initially cut me open he could see Natalie plain as day in the window. He had the hubby stand up and look over the curtain so he could see it too, and Nick was pretty shocked when he saw it. The doctor informed me if I would of waited it out any further and went into labor on my own the stimulation of contractions on my uterus, on top of laboring could of caused that window to tear further and rupture, and my Vbac attempt could of possibly resulted in Natalie not being here. I learned so much during this experience. That there are things in life that we think we want, need and desire as much as we truly do need water, food and our next breathe to live. But, when God says "no" and closes a door on something it's for our own good, protection and is according to His plan. "He works all things for good". I praise God that He had me and Natalie's best interest at heart on that operating room table, that He doesn't give me all my want's and things I think I need and doesn't fulfill all my desires. I thank Him for watching over us and protecting her precious little life too. I thank him for His spirit that gave me that uncomfortable feeling about not going forward with a vbac even if at first I didn't want to feel or accept it. I am just thankful that I have our little girl here tonight, to see my sons face light up when shes around, to witness her being loved on by her daddy, that I am able to cuddle, rock, kiss and feed her, and that I am able to lose a night's sleep over her. If all that meant that I had to undergo a major surgical operation, to go under the knife once again, to have to go through a recovery period, to give up the vaginal birth experience that I had hoped and longed for, to ultimately lay my selfish desires and wants to rest just to get her here then it was all worth it and I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

So here we are...a family of 4! Yippee! I just know we have many fun, exciting, and beautiful days ahead...as well as many exhausting, tiring and overwhelming ones too with having two under two to chase around, raise up and to love on. But, I am so beyond excited to see my little ones grow up together and for this new adventure we as a family are embarking on!

So thankful.

Eucharisteo! 

A Gift from God

I give thanks to You alone
Who sits on the throne
To loan me this precious gift
And to call it my own.

May I always see, Lord
In every waking hour,
Your majesty and grace
In this delicate flower.

Help me, O God,
To guide and preserve,
This wonderful blessing
to love and to serve.

-Doran Richards