It's been an emotional last couple of weeks. I only have 13 weeks left till baby John is here and in my mind and heart I am growing increasingly anxious....
I was watching a TV show the other day that showed a young girl graduating from high school, and her mother made this statement, "Oh...where did the time go? She was just in my arms a few moments ago, now I am sending her off into the world...it went by too fast." Boy....did that hit me hard and out of no where I started sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't help to think of the same thing happening to baby John with graduating in 19 years!! Ahhh...I don't even want to think of "Congratulations Class of 2031". He is not even here yet and I already don't want to let him go. Oh how I long to hold him in my arms, but a part of me wants him to stay right here in my womb...because at least there I know he is with me and protected, safe from the world. I pray that mine and Nicks journey with him in this life-time will be a long, and beautiful one. I pray that I will never forget to just stop and cherish every waking moment and memory with him and to never take it for granted....because it is true...they just grow up so fast right before your eyes and you can never get those moments in time back. Then, before you know it, they are gone...off into this vast open world God made for them. But, I know truly deep down that he is not only just ours, but he is the Lord's and that is so reassuring to me.
It feels like I am entering a new chapter in life...and for the first time I am understanding things about the Lord, and myself that I have sought out for so long to understand...
"My whole life I have struggled with trying to understand God's love for me. I mean...I know His word, and I know how amazing His love is written down for us in His word, and how completely indescribable His sacrificial love was shown on the cross, etc.... but never could I truly grasp just the unconditional aspect of His love that He actually has for His children....for me. In the Bible it says that "God is love" ...it is just who He is. But, growing up I just couldn't grasp it for some reason. Someone told me a while back that you will begin to taste just a bit of unconditional love when you have children of your own some day. I now feel like I am just getting to a place where I am experiencing that for the first time....the way that I already love John so much is I know just a snippet of how compelling God's unconditional love is for us....for me. I believe that having children is the closest thing that we have on this earth and in our life times to experience that. Wow...and just think He is SO good because He blesses those with children to experience and taste that unconditional love even when they don't acknowledge or recognize Him as Lord & Savior. I stand in awe. I am so overwhelmed to know that He favored Nick and I, and wants us to experience a glimpse and just a taste of that. For so long I prayed and really searched out how deep His love was for me....and now Lord....I am truly getting it for the first time. It is one of the most heartfelt and absolutely amazing things to feel, to know and trust in."
What a lovely chapter it is that I am entering. Can't wait to hold my little Johnny man and to look into his precious eyes. This mysterious little one that has jabbed, punched, kicked, nestled, tossed, and invaded my sacred womb has also invaded my very heart and for that I am truly blessed!
No comments:
Post a Comment