13 weeks left and....

Let me just first start off by saying that this post is about 6 weeks too late. I started it nearly 6 weeks ago...and logged in today for the first and realized I never published it to my blog. It was kind of a nice surprise to log into and see...hehe. Enjoy!


It's been an emotional last couple of weeks. I only have 13 weeks left till baby John is here and in my mind and heart I am growing increasingly anxious....


I was watching a TV show the other day that showed a young girl graduating from high school, and her mother made this statement, "Oh...where did the time go? She was just in my arms a few moments ago, now I am sending her off into the world...it went by too fast." Boy....did that hit me hard and out of no where I started sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't help to think of the same thing happening to baby John with graduating in 19 years!! Ahhh...I don't even want to think of "Congratulations Class of 2031". He is not even here yet and I already don't want to let him go. Oh how I long to hold him in my arms, but a part of me wants him to stay right here in my womb...because at least there I know he is with me and protected, safe from the world. I pray that mine and Nicks journey with him in this life-time will be a long, and beautiful one. I pray that I will never forget  to just stop and cherish every waking moment and memory with him and to never take it for granted....because it is true...they just grow up so fast right before your eyes and you can never get those moments in time back. Then, before you know it, they are gone...off into this vast open world God made for them. But, I know truly deep down that he is not only just ours, but he is the Lord's and that is so reassuring to me.


It feels like I am entering a new chapter in life...and for the first time I am understanding things about the Lord, and myself that I have sought out for so long to understand...

"My whole life I have struggled with trying to understand God's love for me. I mean...I know His word, and  I know how amazing His love is written down for us in His word, and how completely indescribable His sacrificial love was shown on the cross, etc.... but never could I truly grasp just the unconditional aspect of His love that He actually has for His children....for me. In the Bible it says that "God is love" ...it is just who He is. But, growing up I just couldn't grasp it for some reason. Someone told me a while back that you will begin to taste  just a bit of unconditional love when you have children of your own some day. I now feel like I am just getting to a place where I am experiencing that for the first time....the way that I already love John so much is I know just a snippet of how compelling God's unconditional love is for us....for me. I believe that having children is the closest thing that we have on this earth and in our life times to experience that. Wow...and just think He is SO good because He blesses those with children to experience and taste that unconditional love even when they don't acknowledge or recognize Him as Lord & Savior. I stand in awe. I am so overwhelmed to know that He favored Nick and I, and wants us to experience a glimpse and just a taste of that. For so long I prayed and really searched out how deep His love was for me....and now Lord....I am truly getting it for the first time. It is one of the most heartfelt and absolutely amazing things to feel, to know and trust in."

What a lovely chapter it is that I am entering. Can't wait to hold my little Johnny man and to look into his precious eyes. This mysterious little one that has jabbed, punched, kicked, nestled, tossed, and invaded my sacred womb has also invaded my very heart and for that I am truly blessed!

25 weeks!!

I am now 25 weeks!!!!!...and baby is size of an EGGPLANT...in case your like me and not 100 % sure what that is...it's a type of "botanical" fruit found in the produce section at your local grocery store...that looks like this   . I got that information off of a pregnancy website. It's pretty unbelievable that baby John is already that size. I saw one today while me and Nick were out grocery shopping. It's a pretty big piece of fruit. I was tempted to pick it up and place in on top of my belly to visualize how he measured in side of there. I knew he had to be somewhat bigger compared to a few weeks ago when he was the size of an onion, because he sure is kicking up a storm and I have even felt him wiggle his way under my right rib at night time once or twice! 

Everything is pretty going smoothly except for some of the hormones I have been experiencing and the massive acid reflux and indigestion I have been having. OUCH!!! I have never had that before pregnancy so I've been getting my first dose of it with in the past week or so. No fun....keeps me up all night and making me have a sour stomach and feel nausea too. Everyone keeps telling me "ohhh that means baby John will come out with a head full of hair." Lol...I couldn't help to think of an eggplant with a little black wig on top when they say that. Too funny! But I know with all the acid reflux...sour stomach and nausea that I have been feeling lately it will be so worth it when he is finally in our arms. The hormones and mood swings can attack at any given moment. I got teary eyed at a Downy fabric softner commercial a few weeks ago....something with the music in the background and the fluffly little bear falling was just so precious to me...lol. I also have noticed that things that hardly ever bothered me before pregnancy or things that I was passionate about before has been now amplified by 10. Hince, I have pulled the plug on my facebook page for a while. On top of being on it 24/7 and noticing that it was becoming a first priority in my life...Nick also noticed that I was just a little too emotional to handle social media at this point with the way my hormones have been playing out. He trips me out...because he knows me so well...and the fact that even though I am having a psycho factor right now he still loves me . So thankful for that man...do not have any clue what I would do without him and the Lord's guidance in my life. I have recently heard carrying girl babies gives you much more of a boost of estrogen hormones....so your once crazy pregnancy hormones might be 20 times worse. Whew...if that is in fact true I am just so grateful this is all that I am experiencing now with carrying baby John. AHHHH....only 3 more months left...but I am loving every single minute of pregnancy and wouldn't trade any sour stomach, morning sickness, back ache, nausea, sleepless nights, over heating, crazy hormonal  mood swings for nothing....lol just have to apologize along the way to a bunch of people.

We finally started painting the nursery last weekend. Finished up most of the painting last night except for a few touch up spots. We went with a pretty pastel blue color. I will definitely have to upload and send out pics to everyone once we get a little more progress going. I have been going through a bit of a nesting stage recently. Last week I felt the undying urge to completely organize and clean out our entire closet. I spent about 3 or 4 hours vacuuming the baseboards, putting winter clothes away, making a good will pile, putting away pre pregnancy clothes, organizing our shoes and hanging clothes up by long sleeves, short sleeve etc. I next want to tackle organizing every cabinet in our house too. I have heard of mothers going through nesting right before baby comes. It's like they get a huge burst of energy and they want to clean, organize, prep, and baby proof their home. I had one friend that completely felt like she needed to disinfect her entire house top to bottom before baby came. Cleaning and wiping away in nooks and crannies of her house on her hands in knees that she never even knew existed before. She said she did it every week until her water broke. She just wanted it to be super de-duper clean. Now...I haven't gotten to that point yet, but in away I totally understand her urges. 

I don't think Charlie has noticed anything yet. They say dogs can sense when their female owner is pregnant. Either he is too young to sense that or he does sense it and has a good way of hiding it. He will be 1 year old on the 11th of April. He is such a sweet, good dog. I had a ton of people ask me how do I think he will do once baby comes. I honestly think he will be great. Of course he will not have our full undivided attention anymore, but we will be sure to try and include him as much as possible. I think he will have no problem adjusting. Someone mentioned buying a baby doll to get him use to a baby or even bringing home one of baby John's blankets from hospital and exposing him to baby John's scent beforehand. Sounds too complicated to me. I think he will do just fine....lol hope I don't eat my words. Just kidding. I am sure he will do great!

I have been craving everything under the sun, like crazy, that has got to be quite possibly the worst thing to eat while pregnant. I had picked up a box of sour patch kids candy (little bit size gummies that are sour on the outside) while at Target the other day. I can remember opening the box and taking a couple little bites out of it while I was walking around the store. I got up to the cash register and placed my items on top of the counter and the cashier picks up the box and goes "ma'am...ummm did you know these are empty?!" LOL....I turned beat red, and said "oh gosh...I ate the whole box before I got up here!" Everyone behind me in line just chuckled...and one person even said "looks like baby wanted those things pretty bad", I usually can only eat a handful of sour patch kids then I start to feel full and a little sick, but honestly I probably could of ate another whole box of them. I go to doctor in a couple weeks for my Gestational Diabetes screening. Yikes..I'm so nervous. I think I am going to talk to my doctor about my compulsive eating habits and maybe he can offer up suggestions. Praying baby is still happy and healthy...bless his heart...momma feeding him all kinds of craziness...I'll have to apologize when he gets here. I am sure he will just be happy to be in our arms safe and sound.

I can't believe he will be here in less than 3 months. So thankful for his little life God has truly blessed us with. So excited to see Nick as a father, and experience motherhood for the first time. It truly is a gift from the Lord!!!

IT'S A B.O.Y!!!

So we found out on Monday, February 20th that we will be bringing  a baby BOY into the world!! Oh how thrilled we are, and over the moon excited with joy and anticipation! I never thought I would be a mom to a boy, actually I was fully convinced in my mind, and even had friends and family members (Nick however was Switzerland) convinced as well that we were having a Girl. Lol...so...sit down and stay a while because...here's the story....


Our first doctors visit was at 6 weeks. It was then that we saw our sweet little Doe (called baby Doe because at that point we did not know if baby was a Jane or a John). I wept tears as I saw that little heart just a flickering on the screen. It looked like a little white blob, but it was the most beautiful white blob I have ever seen. At that point, I immediately contracted baby fever. I wanted to go out and start decorating, buy baby clothes, pick out names, etc right then and there...like as soon as we left the doctor's office. Nick and I had orginally decided we did not want to know the sex because we were told by several people "that there are only few surprises in life, and finding out the sex at birth is definitely one of those," so we truly wanted to wait. I was down for it. But, in the back of my mind I felt all along that it was a Girl.


As weeks went on I kept seeing pink everywhere...and the name I wanted for our precious girl kept popping up randomly in places. I thought it was a premonition...the Lord was giving me a revelation. haha. Ok...so maybe I didn't fully think that...but sounds good. Any who...I began to get severe morning sickness, headaches, food aversions to my favorite foods and then cravings for sour and salty things. I was told this is a sign of carrying a girl. Everywhere I went everyone kept saying..."oh Corey you are glowing...your having a girl." I kept thinking...yes I know. My little girl. I kept telling Nick over the course of several weeks, "it's a girl...I just know it....let's pick out baby names, and pick out nursery room decor." Bless my husband's heart he just kept saying "ok dear". But, I think he was convinced it was a boy this whole time.


So...we both decided on the girl name, we even went and bought a few girly nursery decor items. I had in my mind hair bows that I was going to create, and pinterest projects I was going to craft that involved our little girls name...already pinned and ready to go. Like I said I was fully convinced!! Eventually as weeks progressed and this little space invader of this sacred womb began to take over my heart I started writing to him/HER in a little journal...still referring to it as Little Doe, but was so sure it was a girl in my mind. I had people come up to me at work, and church and asked me, "so have you found out yet...what is it?!" I kept telling them, "oh no, we won't find out, but I know its a girl anyways"...because I had mother's instinct...and that never fails...right??!! lol.


Well the big day approached us at 19 weeks where we got to see our little one, and for the first time our family could see him/HER too. At this check up they wanted to check baby's organs, heart, brain, spine, anatomy and measurements. We could also find out the sex...well confirm it for me, but at this point we did not want to. I was so anxious upon arriving. My stomach had severe butterflies (now that I think of it, it was baby kicking) and I was antsy. They called my name back and all of us...including daddy walked into the room. I got up on the table...got into position....ready to go. The tech put that jelly substance on my belly...plopped the wand down on top and as soon as she did our precious gift was right there for all to see. Everyone fell silent...it was such a sweet moment....he/SHE had grown so much. The little heart was just a beating away...the little limbs were just a moving...even caught baby yawning and suckling in the womb.....

...."My heart was speechless, and so in love."

Finally, the technician looked over at me and said, "so do you guys want to know the sex?" I immediately shrieked "yes!!!!" Nick bent down and whispered, "are you sure about this...you have been telling me for the last 15 weeks you didn't want to find out...so your positive you want to know?" I kept saying "yes, yes, please tells us...suspense is killing me!" The technician then began to type up on the screen rather slowly IT'S A.......she paused. We all were on the edge of our seats, wide eyed and bushy tailed....BOY!!! "ahhh....wow....awwwww.....congratulations!!!" Was the sounds and words coming in from the background. I honestly had blocked everyone out and sat their amazed, but shocked at the same time. I leaned up from the table and exclaimed "SO YOU MEAN THIS ISN'T A LITTLE NATALIE?!!?" Technician said..."nope...all BOY!" I have to admit I was speechless for a few moments, I didn't honestly know what to do....the thoughts of pink, princesses, hair bows, ruffles, painted finger nails, baby pageants, and barbie dolls went out the window in seconds....and then...

all I could think of was... Beautiful. Oh. You.

With everything Nick and I have been through with failed pregnancies in the past year I was now looking at my healthy, precious baby boy on the screen. Oh shame on me for wanting anything different than what God has so purposely blessed us with!

After the 15 minute initial shock wore off, I was all smiles! My precious BOY! Ahhh...God has away of always stumping me and surprising me at the same time, and nevertheless putting me back in line...with "His ways are not my ways...and He knows the plans He has for me!" We couldn't be more happier and feel so blessed that He entrusted us with such a special gift...girl or not.

"I have already been dreaming and thinking about who and what he will become...a pastor, a lawyer, a teacher, a doctor, a writer...the President lol. Hey...I can dream for my son can't I?!? So excited to hold him, to examine his precious feet, and hands. To gaze upon his cute little nose,ears, and eyes that I just know he will have. I know sincerely in my heart God has big plans for him. My prayers now are continually that God will mold us into Godly parents, to help us set such a firm biblical foundation for him, to love him always, rebuke him with love when necessary, to discipline him with grace, to cherish who he is, to teach him who Christ is, and for him to love the Lord with all his soul, heart, mind and strength. I can't believe it...we are having a baby BOY!!!"

So on ending notes...with every kick, and flutter that I feel going on in there from our precious boy I am reminded of God's faithfulness, grace and love. We are thrilled....and I can only see blue everywhere I go...and I couldn't stand the color blue before, but now it's heavenly looking! I am one proud momma...and I know daddy is just as proud and honored to carry on the Travaglini name..and what little bit of Italian heritage he will have left :). Everyone now keeps coming up to me saying..."you look like a boy mom"...lol I just giggle cause even though I sincerely have no idea what a "boy mom" looks like...I do know I am blessed beyond words and so thankful for his little life....so grateful to bear a son. Even though Mary was carrying the sacrificial lamb, the Savior of all mankind, the king of kings, the prince of peace, and God in the flesh in her precious sacred womb...he was still a son to her, and I can feel for her and any mother out there that is carrying a son for the first time. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!

& all I can think of when I look down at my expanding belly is... Beautiful. Oh. You.

Grow Up!!!

I get it...some people do seriously need to stop acting a fool and grow up...but that is not what this blog is about...so please by all means...keep reading :)

Life is all about growth. We grow up and grow out of things. We grow from being a baby.....to a toddler....to an adolescent...to a teenager...to an adult.... and then finally to a senior citizen. When you were a baby you eventually out grew your baby clothes, and your baby food. Your mother or father first fed you breast milk or formula until you out grew that and then you moved on to baby food. You eventually out grew that, and started eating adult food....like steak...yumm...that sounds good right about now. 

Any who...in life we grow and out grow in our wants, desires, and needs. We also grow in our marriages, our relationships, and with our children. Sometimes we outgrow our friends, and we grow with the company at our jobs. But, for the Christian growth could not be more important! We are to never loose sight of who we are in Christ, and in His word! Our growth in Him is vital for our Christian maturity. We need to grow up in Him, and we do that by spending time with Him....and not just once every week, or month, or on a annual basis, but daily! We have His word for a reason. His beautiful love letter to us is not meant to just sit on our bookshelves and collect dust, or be displayed only on our coffee tables, or even only busting it out at special occasions. We are to walk daily with Him and allow His word to transform our lives.

"God's Word is powerful....for the more we know, the more we are to apply to our lives and are held accountable to. In turn the more we grow! So know, apply and grow!"

This is so true! How can we ever be sanctified or be made holy? How can our lives be transformed, or our minds, and spirits be renewed? How can we learn to follow His commands, to guide our children, to honor our husbands, to love our wives, to submit to others, to be a witness, to minister to others, or bear any fruit if we don't read His word, apply it, and grow from it? There are so many born again believers walking around, and every once in a while opening up and reading the Bible and spending just a quick fix in the Word. Then they go and try to live out the Christian walk. They are still walking around with carnal minds, fighting the flesh constantly, getting discouraged, and they can't seem to figure out why their life is so confusing, and what they are doing wrong!


The Christian walk is not always easy, yes....I get that! In fact...I know that....of course I have struggles...face challenges...and battle my flesh!!! But, we have a guide, a standard, a foundation to apply, and grow from every day! It is our responsibility. Paul said "don't just be hearer's of the word, but be doers."- James 1:22.

I have heard many Christians say....I follow the Lord. I go to church, and get feed! I listen to my preacher preach every Sunday and take what He says and go out and apply it. Oh...that's wonderful! But, I recently heard one of my pastors at church say something that spoke volumes to me...and I quote "we are accountable and responsible as Christians for feeding ourselves, yes the Pastor is responsible in feeding his flock, but ultimately we are responsible for feeding ourselves as Christians." He is so right....for when we feed ourselves, we can also pour out (feed) into others, and that allows this whole cycle of being fed and feeding to occur.....hence discipleship and ministering God's Word to others.

WE are commanded to read and apply the Bible as followers of Christ. "It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by EVERY WORD that proceedeth out of the mouth of God" - Matthew 4:4... and...to"Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." 
2 Timothy 2:15


Did you know that so many Christian's are deceived, by the works of the enemy? Yes...Christians! They get entangled in what "Self Help", and "worldly wisdom" says. They sometimes wind up following ways of false doctrines, seek out ungodly advice, or get caught up in many heresies, and it is all a direct result of not knowing God's word, and not taking the responsibility to feed themselves! Don't do a disservice to yourself or the Lord in not keeping His commands and meditating on His statures. When you don't feed yourself God's word....you starve...spiritually and you suffer! Read the word, His word is truth...know it, so you don't fall into any heresies, worldly wisdom and the enemy's schemes. Christian's are most vulnerable to the enemy's attacks when they aren't walking with the Lord, and in His word on a daily basis.


I love that Paul tells us in Timothy that "Every Scripture is God-breathed (given by His inspiration) and profitable for instruction, for reproof and conviction of sin, for correction of error and discipline in obedience, [and] for training in righteousness (in holy living, in conformity to God's will in thought, purpose, and action)." 2Timothy 3:16


Wow....it has so much power!!! Power to convict us, to correct us, to instruct us, to guide us, to train us, to live out the Christian walk, and to bring us purpose and joy! Amen...for His word really is "a lamp unto our feets, and a light unto our paths."  Psalm 119:105


So on ending thoughts...our relationship with Christ and our daily walks with Him is so important as believers. We need to get a huge dose of His daily bread, instead of munching on crumbs every once in a while.  We need to walk with Him, pray and seek out His Godly counsel, and allow His Holy Word and Holy Spirit He has given us to guide us!

****Read His word, know His word for yourself, don't spiritually starve yourself, and for everything He has so freely given us  we need to freely give up our lives as living sacrifices to Him.


So Grow up!!! Know, apply and grow!!!




" The word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." -Hebrews 4:12

Blessings!

We're Having a Baby!!!

How awesome it feels to finally be able to belt the words out "we're having a baby" and with confidence! 

Pull up chair...I'll explain....

2011 started out being such a rough year for us. My Grandfather was in and out of the hospital with heart complications, a close friend of our family passed away from cancer, my Grandmothers dog of 16 years had to be put to sleep, my Father had to have surgery, my Father-in-Law was diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the liver, and my Aunt had an infection in her intestines. It also seemed like every time I turned around some one I knew or have met either was diagnosed with a severe illness, passed away or was going through financial difficulties and I had two failed pregnancies that ended in miscarriages.

Although 2011 started out not being a good year...it did end on a good note and many blessings. My Grandfather is now doing better, my Aunt is back to par, my Father-in-Law was told he would need a liver transplant in the future, but as of now he does not need to be put on waiting list, my Father recovered well from surgery, my Grandparents are getting to a place where they are over mourning the death of their beloved dog...and we are having a baby!! But during all those ups and downs of 2011 I was reminded of something....that we are not promised good health, or life tomorrow, or that we will not have financial difficulties or happiness always. We are not guaranteed our jobs, our next months mortgage payment, if our cars will make it to see 125,000 miles, or even if a little flicker of life on an ultrasound will develop into a bundle of joy. A wise woman once told me "the only thing we are ever guaranteed in this life time is our salvation in Jesus Christ." Boy aren't they right. So with all of that being said...we are so overjoyed in having a baby...and we can say this with perfect confidence...that even though we are not guaranteed of this little blessing growing inside of me being here tomorrow...we can boldly say that with the Lord all things are possible! If we just place our trust in Him and His promises He will never fail us, and because He lives...we can face tomorrow.

I'll go into a little more detail...but have to warn you...this may take some time....

Nick and I started trying for a little Travaglini in Janurary 2011. We were so excited with little thoughts of bambinos running around the house. I think I got baby fever like INSTANTLY...and started picking out names, and nursery ideas and I wasn't even pregnant yet. I guess I thought it wouldn't take that long. Well.... I didn't get alarmed when ole aunt flow came just 28 days later... disappointed...but not alarmed. I have been told that it took some couples months to conceive. So next month we tried again...and then the following...and then tried again a couple more months and of course I started getting a little worried and panic stricken. Everyone kept saying "oh it will happen, just don't try so hard"...ok...like what ever do you mean by that?!! Lol...how do you not try?! I didn't get it...but Nick was confident that it just wasn't time yet and that when the Lord saw fit He would bless us with a little life. I knew that too so deeply in my heart, but I was too anxious and impatient to wait upon Him. Especially when so many friends were announcing their pregnancies....I was completely happy for them...but second guessing myself.

Finally, end of April rolled around and aunt flo never came. I took a pregnancy test and sure enough those 2 pink little lines appeared. I was ecstatic...Nick was too! It seemed as if  we immediately began shouting from the roof tops "we're having a baby!!!". But little did we know a week and half later...I would miscarry. It was devastating emotionally, and also disheartening to see our families disappointed and in grief. I kept thinking it was all my fault, and I must of done something wrong. There hasn't been a grandchild on both side of our families for almost 12 years so I believe that our families were let down and it panged me to see them that way. But after a few days of mourning, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and carried on with my eyes fixed on the Lord knowing that He had a plan. I had to remind myself that He knew our hearts and our desire was to be parents. He put those desires there...so He will fulfill them in due season. So we chalked that one up to timing and carried on...sad...but hopeful.

A couple weeks later Nick and I went on a week trip with some very close friends to get away, relax and enjoy each other. Winded up conceiving again right away on that trip. Didn't know that was possible. I never even had a menstrual period after the miscarriage (sorry gentlemen TMI if your reading this). Took a test upon returning home from vacation...and yet again...the two beloved pink lines appeared. I smiled so brightly, but apart of me was guarded this time, and I believe Nick was too. It was hard trying to maintain our composure with not shouting it out to everyone "we're having a baby....again" because at this point it seemed as if we were "crying wolf". It also seemed as if our families were not getting too excited either, which hurt a little, but we totally understood, they were just trying to remain strong for us.

 We winded up going to our first appointment at 7 weeks...nervous...shaky...anxious, and I will have to admit...I wasn't very hopeful. We were only in the ultrasound room it seemed for like 10 minutes. It all happened so fast...a blur. The doctor on call that day came in to perform the ultrasound...he seemed very cold, heartless, and lifeless. Pretty much came into the room, slapped his gloves on (I don't even think he said anything to us)...performed the ultrasound...took his gloves off...turned off the screen...sat me up and said "well...it isn't going to work out this time and let's perform a D&C tomorrow afternoon". I thought "you crazy, stupid, heartless idiot". I truly wanted to slap him across the face. The way he talked...there was no compassion, it was almost as if this was an animal he was referring to and not a precious life that we longed for. We left there in shock, and confused on what to do, but one thing was for sure....was that I knew  I would never return to that doctor's office again. I also knew I didn't want a D&C...I just didn't feel comfortable with that measure. 

Later that afternoon, Nick called me at work and said that he thought we should wait it out and get a second opinion. I was skeptical at first, but let him lead in that decision. A week later the Lord winded up bringing us to an absolute blessing of a doctor in uptown Charlotte. He was kind, compassionate, sincere about what he does, and patient. At our first visit he had all of my medical records transferred over and he brought us in his office and I swany we were in there for like 2 hours...he layed out all of my medical records across his desk...and went over step by step from the first time we tried to conceive in January all the way through the first miscarriage, to now. He discussed history of previous medical diagnosis, family history, our daily activities, our jobs, our families etc. He really took the time to get to know us on a personal level and that mean't so much to us. We weren't just some patient id number. He made us feel very comfortable and now there was a level of trust that we have never experienced with any doctor. He was in complete shock when we explained to him how we were treated from the previous doctor especially with the underlying conditions and situation. 

A few days later he performed his own ultrasound and blood work. At the first ultrasound we did see a flicker of life from the fetal pole...which brought us to tears, but also saw that there were two yolk sacs at one point, which one never developed a fetal pole. It would of been identical twins if both progressed. Our new doctor thinks that the previous doctor did not notice the other yolk sac with presence of life. After the ultrasound I could tell my doctor was somewhat hopeful, and to ease our minds and spirits he called us in over a serious of days for more blood work and a couple more weeks for updated ultrasounds. At the second ultrasound there was no progression in size of the remaining yolk sac/fetal pole and by the last ultrasound visit we were told that the flicker of life had stopped. It was disappointing, and completely devastating as well...

I guess I just never thought we would be in this situation. I was a healthy average woman, never had an irregular pap smear, no history of medical issues, my Mother and Grandmother both had easy wonderful pregnancies...I thought what is wrong with me Lord?!?! When we got married, Nick and I talked about having children one day and how many we longed for....never the thought of "oh if I can't get pregnant or what if I miscarry" occured in our conversations. As a child you never even dream of that happeneing either. It's such a heartbreaking thing to go through and I sincerely feel  for every woman that has gone through it.

 The doctor really eased our minds in stating the statistics on miscarriages, and showed us so much compassion as I wept tears in his office. He then suggested taking some measures as far as testing. He also discussed with us how I wanted to proceed with inducing the failed pregnancy. We discussed all those options and which one would be best for me. I opted for a pill "Misoprostol", and he gave me some pain killers along side. I informed him that I would wait till after the weekend because that Saturday was my birthday and I didn't want to remember my 26th birthday as miscarrying. He completely understood...and on Monday afternoon he called and checked on me to see how everything went. It was so reassuring to have a doctor that cared enough to take time out of their day to check on their patient. The miscarriage was rough and I had minor contractions. Doctor told me it would feel like minor labor pain, so thankful for the pain killers cause they did help a ton. I remember those couple of days just lying on the couch praying and asking the Lord to answer our prayers and keep me hopeful and to give us peace. After that we went through a few blood test, Nick and I both, and everything came back 100% normal. So doctor felt at this point, lets give trying to conceive a rest and that's what we did for a few months.....and in October of only one time of trying to conceive since miscarriage we were pregnant again!!!

Of course we were nervous....extremely anxious, but this time I was a hopeful. Going through what we went through was a testing of faith and perseverance. I felt my relationship with Lord was rocky, at times I had severe doubts, I went through little bouts of depression, I second guessed who He was, but during all of the miscarriages that we went through the Lord held my hand every step of the way and that is also when the wise woman told me "only thing in life we are ever guaranteed is our salvation." They couldn't be more right. We aren't promised tomorrow, but can place our assurance that with Christ He holds our future and He "knows the plans He has for us...which are not to harm us but, to bring us hope and a future" -Jeremiah 29:11...some one also told me during the second miscarriage, "Corey you are more worried about losing the baby with every pregnancy instead of just thanking the Lord everyday that He has blessed you with this little life. You should cherish every waking day, and every week that passes that you get to spend just one more moment with this precious little one inside of you." That persons words spoke volumes to me...and that is what I strive to do daily with this pregnancy. 

Praise God we are now 14 weeks...and every day I thank Him that He has brought us this far. Scared...yes...nervous....yes....hopeful....yes....worried....of course. But I know the Lord is holding our hands and walking us through this pregnancy every step of the way. We are extremely thankful for the many friends and our families that have lifted us up in prayer, offered up encouragement, and checked on us constantly. It has mean't so much to us. Especially for those that have been where we are. They have been such a spiritual and inspirational rock. There are so many joys of pregnancy  and so thankful that with each passing ultrasound...or week...or month of having this little one in my womb it is a milestone to be celebrated!

Being pregnant is seriously one of the most humbling, and beautiful things I have ever experienced. The expanding of your waist line,  the constant headaches, uncontrollable food cravings, the sour stomach, and nausea out the ying-yang. The food aversions and going cold turkey on caffeine....and not just any ole caffeine but STARBUCKS coffee caffeine. The hot flashes at night, the sleepless nights, taking endless amounts of naps on lunch breaks, after work, and in between school assignments.The fact that my body will never be the same again, the fact that our lives will change and I will get a new name "mom". The fact that my relationship with my husband will change and we will no longer be just husband and wife, but also parents! A new edition will be added on our insurance policy, a new account will be added to our bank statement, the vacant room in our house will no longer be empty, but will be filled with laughter, sounds of little footsteps, and toys galore. My car will no longer be my car, but the family car. I can no longer sleep in late, or think about what just me and hubby will eat for dinner tonight. The laundry will expand, and so will the dishes in our sink.  But oh how I look forward to all of that and so much more! 

We feel so unbelievably blessed beyond measure that the Lord showed favor on us and entrusted us with such a precious gift. Reminds me of a verse in old testament "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD; the fruit of the womb is a reward." - Psalm 127:3. 




Every child that is conceived or born is a perfect gift from above. Every time I walk by a pregnant woman at church, or the mall, or at work, or the store, I just smile, because the Lord showed favor regardless of the situation, or outcome. He is knitting a precious little one in their sacred womb and that is something to be so thankful for. But, also for those that can not carry, for some medical reason, He still shows His undying grace, love, and compassion, by allowing one to adopt such a precious gift. Oh the miracle of life is to be cherished and should never be taken for granted. It is He the beautiful creator of life that does what He does best...creates...and how beautiful it is.



So on ending thoughts, keep us in constant prayer please! I am due July 15th which is a day before my birthday. So hoping for July 16th to be Baby Trav's arrival...but at this point I will just be overjoyed and happy for the little one to be here in our arms and healthy. So excited for motherhood and all the joys that comes along with it. So excited to see what they will be and what God does with their life. 2011 started out rough...but ended on an awesome note...and 2012 will be the reward...because with the Lord...all things are possible and because He lives...we can face tomorrow.

We're having a baby.......oh what a joy it will be!

I just don't get it...why!?

"I just don't get it....why!?"....that line has struck me a time or two...ok maybe more than I can count. It's those moments in life that just don't make sense no matter how much you try and analyze you just can't figure it out, and you can't grasp the why, and you honestly...just don't get it.


For example:


I don't get why we have to pay such high homeowner association fees, or why Wendy's added a new sauce to their burgers (it taste revolting) or why my mother and grandmother can never get anyone's name right even after you spell it out and have told them that name for years. Sounds like petty issues....well they are....but then there are larger, more real ones that really hit home:


Like when a friend betrays your trust, or someone that you thought had it all together commits suicide, or if you lose your job, now how will you pay your bills...or if you lose your house, now where will you live...or if you lose a loved one, now how will you manage.....and at the root of it all you keep asking "I JUST DON'T GET IT....WHY"??!?!?!


I have seriously racked my brain several times trying to figure out the "why's" and "I just don't get it's" behind certain things in life. But, I am so thankful that we serve a God who carries our burdens and if we must ask "why" we can simply turn it over to Him because at the end of the day He knows....and maybe when we get to heaven He'll let us in on the answer. But until then...sometimes asking the "why" behind certain things can lead to the kicker...or the method behind the madness.....WORRY!! Oh how guilty I am of this. You can worry yourself sick. Actually, I did one time. I worried about something all night and the next morning I developed a cold.....like seriously it was out of the blue. Crazy!!!!!!!!! 

Christ tells us in Matthew 6:27 that "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life". Honestly can we though??? Think about it for a minute....something that you are worrying about right now you seriously have no control over. You are not God, you are not all powerful, you can't just wrinkle your nose like the lady on the old Nick @ Nite sitcom, Bewitched, and make something happen that you want to happen. It's not possible...whatever is gonna be is gonna be. But one thing we as believers can have rest assurance of is.........and I absolutely love this........ good ole Romans 8:28.


"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."


See peeps.... He works everything out for our purpose. God is a God of love. He is love. 1 John 4:8 tells us this. Read these verses below found on Love (God) in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.

 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Now....read those verses again...but this time substitute the word "love" for "God"....since God is love.

God is patient, God is kind. It (He) does not envy, (He) does not boast, (He) is not proud. (He) does not dishonor others, (He) is not self-seeking, (He) is not easily angered, (He) keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (He) always protects, (He) always trusts, (He) always hopes, (He) always perseveres. God never fails.

See again peeps!! God never fails, He always protects, He always perseveres?? What???? Yes!!! Wow...now that's something to put your trust into, and to not worry about!! How can we worry, when He has given us clear instructions to A. not to... and B. that He never fails?!?! 

So do you get it??!!

Well, to wrap it up. I am guilty as charged when It comes to this subject matter...I even worried about something today and of course kept asking "why" because I obviously wasn't getting it......but God has been dealing with me on this...everyday I am learning to turn my "whys" and my "I just don't get it's" over to the Lord.....and I trust, pray and encourage you to do the same!

"Cast all your anxiety's upon Him, for He cares for you"              -1 Peter 5:7


 Join me in doing that today..............

Baptism...so long overdue!

So....I got baptized yesterday after church service for the second time in my life. It was such a remarkable next step in my relationship with the Lord...and with that being said I really wanted to share what it truly mean't for me...and why I chose to do it a second time. Here goes....




Well...I was baptized as a nine year old child after first coming to the Lord, at a Baptist Bible camp. I said that little prayer that sometimes us Christians like to call "The Sinners Pray". As soon as I returned home from camp I was given a New Believers study guide, a new white Bible NIV edition and was told I needed to be baptized. I just honestly thought at that time, that is what you did. I have seen so many friends say the little prayer to God and then get dunked in the water and now everyone calls them a member of the Church.


soooo....that is a little background info for you....




Well.....flash forward a few years down the road, I got into highschool, lol. I am sure you know what goes on in highschool....we'll then again...maybe you don't. But, I on the other hand got off the straight n narrow path, started living my life for me. I got mixed up in the wrong crowd, still went to church mind you (youth group) but for all the wrong reasons. I either went because my parents made me, I wanted to check out he fellas (lol) or because my girlfriends would be there. Truly was not living out the Christian walk....and honestly now that I think of it, I don't sincerely believe I was a new creature in Christ. I never allowed the Spirit to transform my walk, I never read God's word because I loved Him, and only did I pick it up at church...if that. I knew who Jesus was. I knew He was savior, but I do not truly feel He was Lord over my life. There was no real relationship with Him. I had turned my back on God, but God never turned His back on me.




Flash forward now a year or two after highschool....I had joined the United States Air Force (hooray!)


I got orders while stationed in Tuscon, AZ to go to Osan Air Base, South Korea for 13 months. I was soooo excited, but scared as all get out to go to a foreign country.....but that my friends....is where God needed me to be in order to get me right with Him.


After a few months of being there, with no real friends (sure I had fellow friends at work, but not true friends like I needed) I felt so alone. Now that I look back on it, God had stripped me of everything I had placed in my life as little gods ie; cellphone, friends, car, money, material things, even food. Everything I loved and thirst for in this life was taken from me and He got me to a place where I could completely humble myself.


Well I called my mother one day after work and told her how I felt...I was lonely, no friends, and I can 't do this another 10 months etc. She replied with "why don't you visit the church on base or something Corey, I am sure you will meet some friends there". That was God speaking. So I took her advice as much as I didn't want to because you know....when your not right with the Lord...."the last place you seriously want to be in is....oh I don't know.....a CHURCH!!"


Anywho...I decided to go...and oh my....the Holy Spirit started doing a number in my soul. The preacher preached and was so dynamic....everyone was on fire for the Lord...the Spirit was moving....and I was missing out on what those people had. I had longed to be filled with something....all this time I had filled my life with these empty things...materials...bad friendships....negative relationships....etc. I remember going back to my dorm room that night on base....and I got down on my knees and cried out to Jesus. I was so repentant. I then laid prostrate on the ground for hours it seemed. I was so sorry, and had so much guilt. I think I probably confessed every sin I had ever committed....lol (I'm a little extra)...but no...I was just so remorseful that I had lived my life for myself and not for Christ who was my creator that put me here so I could have a relationship with Him. Jesus said in the Bible "you have to pick up your cross and follow Him....and be willing to deny yourself". OH that is so  what I did that night....and something that everyday as a follower of Christ you have to do...because our flesh is sooo weak, but the Spirit is willing.


I gave my heart and LIFE to the Lord that night in a dorm room floor on an Air Force base...it was real...it was raw....I was totally exposed, naked (not really, but a metaphor) in front of His thrown. I wanted Him to take have me and all of me and make me whole, because I was tired of trying to fill my life up and live my life for myself. After that night....I was so on fire for the Lord....I was just so radical! Woooooweeeee....I almost wanted to start knocking on my fellow airmans doors and start preaching the Gospel!!!!!!!!!!!




Anywho...I wanted to get baptized right after that. I approached the Pastor at the church on base and pretty much explained to him and poured my heart out to him just like I did right here in this blog. He looked at me and said "Corey, there is only one baptism in the Lord, so I don't think you need to be baptized again". WEll...me being only a week old Christian (a babe in Christ) and so weak in the Word....I was like "ok" and I took what he said as truth. After all he is a pastor and don't want to disobey the pastor...lol...jk but that is how I felt. So I carried on...but in the back of my mind...and in my heart....I felt like....no this can't be right...I am now truly saved, I am a born again Christian...I don't think I was when I was nine years old.


After several years of really digging into God's word and really soaking up His scriptures and truth there were many opportunities for me to be baptized...even at Next Level Church (where me and my hubby have been going to for 2 years now). But every time the opportunity arose that pastor's voice just kept playing over and over in my head. I was totally drowning out the Lord's voice. Well I really began to pray about it...and pray bout it and then the Lord led me to a passage in scriputure where Peter was speaking to the people at Pentecost in Acts 2:38 where he said "Repent and be baptized" and something struck a cord in me....that is what I did in Korea. I repented! When I was nine years old, I didn't repent from anything....I just said a little prayer asking the Lord to come into my heart....and it wasn't sincere. 


So I reached out to one of the pastors at Next Level. I shared briefly with him my story....and asked him just to reaffirm my feelings....."so is there anywhere in scripture where it says you can't be baptized or there is only one baptism in the Lord?" His quick reply was short and simple...."yes you can be baptized again". Gosh it felt like a weight had been lifted! For so long I had not listen to the Lord's voice! What a new chapter about to unfold.


So that is what I did this Sunday. I got baptized for the second time in my life...and it was so beautiful. I just remember sitting there and the Pastor saying "upon confession of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ" I began to weep. I was so filled with joy because even if you have been a Christ follower for 1 week or 1 year or 25 years, we never need to forget, but always remember where He has brought us from. So Sunday it was not just me identifying myself with my new life in Christ or a public confession of faith or the symbolic meaning of dying to myself and being raised with Christ......but it was also me remembering where He had brought me from and how I am still His and He is still my Lord. 


So....if this little blog has struck a cord anywhere in your spirit, and you have never been baptized....or have been and don't remember...or maybe you don't even know Jesus as Lord and Savior and your searching....I encourage you to get in His word, reach out to someone who can explain the Gospel message to you and pray for wisdom and for God to reveal His Word and Himself to you through Jesus.


Blessings to all......




Because He lives,


Corey