One of a Solider....

This week is exactly 9 years ago that I waved goodbye to ole Charlotte at 18 years old...loaded up on a bus with $20 bucks to my name, a toothbrush, 1 change of clothes and started my journey as a Veteran...and a Solider of the United States Air Force. I still can't believe it today. Seriously....Corey did that?! Sometimes...when I am somewhere today and someone says "if you are a U.S Veteran please rise or please stand up", or whatever the occasion calls for, I am still in shock sometimes that I am one of the ones that are standing. I am a Veteran....once a solider. Wow....craziness!
Looking back on it now...I can't believe I did that. I left home so young....I thought I was invisible... indestructible....ready to take on the world. It amazes me now to think that if I was that same girl today...18 years old I don't think I could just go and do what I did. I was so brave....fearless...bold then. I had so much courage...I was stationed over in a different country for a whole year...with no phone...no car...no internet access. Knew zero persons. Boarded a plane...flew 14 hours...flew over Mt. Fiji to get to my destination....ask me to do that today and I don't think I could. It's crazy how your desires...views...wants...passions and just life changes you in general over time.

So since that day....much has happened in my life. I have ALMOST obtained a college degree. I have married such a special man...and became a wife. I am a proud home owner and a dog owner for the first time. I became a rededicated believer in Christ...and I have also became a mother to the most sweet spirited boy ever. God has truly blessed me way beyond my comprehension. I have so much to be thankful for...and shame on me for ever doubting His plans for me or ever coveting another persons life or blessings. I am alive and well....and...my husband, my son and family members are alive and well. What more could one ask for?

It's sort of funny to me when I think about it...what started out as me being a solider in the Air Force has now turned into being a solider in my husbands army...a solider in the army of motherhood...and a solider for Christ. My life is pretty much a battlefield...when I think about it. How much strength God has given me through tough times... when I felt like giving up or giving in. During darkest hours...I have had to rise up like a Solider in whatever the situation or circumstance has called for...only by God's strength have I prevailed and won those battles...of course I have had my fair share of loosing some...but we never really loose battles when God is our victory.

So 9 years ago this week I remember and reflect and think about all the areas of my life that God has called me to be a solider.  I also pause and just take in everything God has done and blessed me with in those 9 years since raising my right hand and taking that Oath of Enlistment. What an amazing journey I have had so far...one of a solider.

John's Birth Story

So John's birth story is just a tad overdue....and there is so much detail that it could go on for days. So to save time I have done a more condensed version of it below. I also wrote about my feelings of how my labor and delivery went and then there are some tips for new mothers at the end. Enjoy.

John Nicholas Travaglini

July 17th, 2012 (just one day shy of my 27th birthday).
7lbs 2 ounces and 21 inches long
Born via Cesarean section.
Induced due to high blood pressure and risk of pre-clampsia.
Induced at 40 weeks and 2 days.
Induction started at night before (on my birthday July 16th) around 5pm.
Induction was started with a synthetic prostaglandin medicine called Cervadil (softens the cervix).
Woken up at 5:45 am on July 17th and was allowed to take a shower.
Doctor came in at 6:30am to check cervix. (I was 1 1/2 cm dilated and 80% effaced.)
No contractions yet.
Cervadil was removed and Pitocin (synthetic Oxytocin, which jump starts labor) was administered and water was broken manually.
Catheter was installed.
Contractions started within a few hours, not unbearable, just uncomfortable.
Around 11am  labor contractions had peaked and I asked for Demerol (pain medication) so I can sleep through the pain a bit.
Awoke around 1 pm with full blown back labor.
Opted for Epidural (form of anesthesia used for pain relief in labor) at 5 cm dilated around 3pm.
First Epidural attempt was unsuccessful and immediately removed.
Second Epidural attempt only 1 side was numb (labored like this for a little over an hour).
Around 5pm I opted for another Epidural this time it worked fully!!
Checked for dilation around 6pm and was 6 centimeters dilated.
Checked once more at 7:30 pm and was still 6 centimeters dilated. Doctor informed me that he would be back at 9:30pm and if there was no significant increase in dilation we would need to look into possible c-section due to risk of infection going up from water being broken over 12 hours.
Doctor came back in at 9:30pm and I had only dilated 1/2 a centimeter.
Went into surgery and John Nicholas was born at 9:52pm.

I can remember laying on the operating room table...stretched out like a science project, doped up and overloaded on pain meds...thinking that at any given moment if I closed my eyes I might not wake up. I threw up several times on the table. It felt like a million years laying there...but was only about 15 minutes between prepping and the time John was born. Our Doctors words to us before he pulled John out were..."ok Corey & Nick are you ready for your lives to change?...on the count of three Corey, you might feel a little pressure....1, 2...and 3." and then 10 seconds later we heard the cutest little faint cry..."walaaaaa" it was so soft and serene. I just cried and said..."awww my baby". I didn't get to hold John right away, but Nick did. He looked scared, surprised, happy, in awe. I couldn't really see what John looked like because I was laying at an awkward angle.  A few moments later they took Nick and John out of the room and I can remember my heart breaking cause I wanted so desperately to go with them. After the Doctor stitched me up I was taken to recovery where John was immediately brought to me and laid upon my chest. I began to breast feed him and he latched on right away. It was so surreal. I was overwhelmed with so many feelings. I was joyful...I was scared...I was excited...I was afraid. I couldn't believe all this...it was like I was in the twilight zone. I was overjoyed he was here. I was on cloud nine. What a phenomenal experience those 2 days were to get him here...and God had been so faithful to us and blessed us with our little miracle. It is still so amazing to me when I look at John...I can't believe he once was the size of a grain of rice...and now he is alive, breathing...has tiny fingers and toes...smiles and coo's at us. God is so good! I heard a quote recently that said "If you don't believe in miracles...perhaps you have forgotten that you are one"...oh how I love that cause it is so incredibly true. We are all miracles from God. All started out as a speck...a grain of rice...and then on into these extraordinary human beings. Only a loving God could create something so unbelievably profound and beautiful. Life is beautiful, and Jesus is the giver of life.

Although everything went according to God's plan in that labor and delivery room....once we got home from the hospital and was left alone with our new little miracle....I started feeling a little weepy and sad. I felt like I almost wasn't bonding like I had dreamed, prayed and imagined I would of with John off the bat. I thought it was going a tad crazy...(I know now it was all my hormones being out of wack and the onset of "baby blues"). I started having guilty feelings of how labor went with him. Labor was not like I had imagined. I thought it would of been a smooth labor and delivery process. I had to be induced. I had extremely horrible back labor...had to get 3 epidurals that were excruciating painful to get because of the back labor...and at the end of it all I had to undergo a c-section. I felt like I had failed John and I felt like I was a horrible mother for not having John vaginally.  I mean a vaginal birth was God's design...so why couldn't I have one? I suffered with these feelings like "why would my body not allow me to dilate anymore, and what is wrong with me that I couldn't have a natural birth?"  I was so ashamed of myself for even thinking this way after having a beautiful healthy and happy baby boy...but I couldn't help it. Even though my Doctor reassured me that if we didn't undergo the c-section infection was imminent and that there could of been all these possible complications with me and John...and the worse case possible...a still born birth. I trusted my Doctor too...he is a strong Christian doctor so I know he would not do or allow anything unethical. But I was still mad at myself thinking that I could of stuck it out and had him vaginally. Oh, God....the misery I would feel if I wanted to be selfish and try and have John vaginally and something happened to him I would of never forgiven myself .So, for his safety and mine it had to be done...and everything thing that went down...from the time of conception, up until John was placed in my arms was all orchestrated by God. But, I know by now after reading all of this you may be thinking, "Corey...he is healthy...what more could you ask for?" I know trust me....I feel horrible for even feeling that way...but hormones, mental and physical exhaustion will have you thinking all kinds of crazy things! So thankful that is over with...and I am back to my normal self...so I can soak up all the beauty...and enjoy his precious little life!!!! God was in this from the very beginning. I stand in awe of what a marvelous creation He has made in John.

Some interesting side note of c-sections. It's pretty astounding.  It was believed that Julius Ceasar entered the world through a c-section that is why it is called a Cesarean. Mother's back then pretty much risked their lives just to get their baby into this world...most of the mothers did not make it through the surgery, but their children did. They would of rathered died themselves than for their little one to not have life.What a selfless act.

You know...God always has a funny way of showing me who is ultimately in control...because lots of times I like to think that I am. I thought I could control everything about this pregnancy. Even trying to get pregnant to begin with. Everything was a control issue. I could control if we conceived...I could control how he was born. But, ultimately John came the way God intended for him to come. It was the way He had planned it. I give God all the glory! It was His idea...His idea alone. It was His plan...His plan alone! John is so healthy, alive, alert, and happy...what more could I ask for? And as for the bonding since then? oh, how it has been way beyond my comprehension. He looks at me and recognizes me and my heart absolutely melts. When there is a crowd of people in the room talking...and I enter the room and say something he stops moving and his eyes widened. It just melts me. I love motherhood...I love stepping into this whole new world of being a parent with Nick. I can't wait till the day John calls us mom and dad. We have so much to look forward to with John. Being a parent is truly a gift, it is a miracle...we are so blessed!



ps. For all the new mom's out there that have baby blues. Just know that overwhelming emotional feelings of sadness...anxiety... irritability and bouts of crying after delivery is 100 % normal for a mother. Your hormones are completely out of wack and are getting back into alignment like they were pre-pregnancy. Just think you went to having a human inside of you to not...so of course you are not going to feel like yourself for a bit. I wished someone would of told me about these overwhelming emotional feelings that I would have. It wasn't until I spoke out about it that other mothers began to agree they went through same thing. Majority of moms do not want to talk about it because it makes them feel like a horrible mother. But, we can't remain silent. Women and new mothers need each other. However, if the feelings persist and or worsen over a period of time lasting longer than a couple of weeks...please contact your doctor right away. It could lead to post-par-tum depression...which can be pretty severe if left untreated. 

Tips for new mothers....make sure you keep an open communication with a spouse, parent or close friend on how you feel and please pray your way through those first weeks home with your newborn....it is absolutely beautiful, but having a newborn is exhausting. Don't be afraid to ask for help, sleep when baby is sleeping, let the housework go undone for now, don't forget to eat a little something through out the day, don't be too hard on yourself about your appearance for a while...you just had a baby so yes you are going to feel heavy, bloated and unattractive for a while...and last but not least...love on and enjoy every moment with your new little gift from God...because they do grow so fast.

Back to Work

So, it was my first day back to work in 8 weeks!! Yes...my maternity leave came to a close. I dropped little man off at the in-laws and of course I got really weepy upon leaving. I know he is safe and sound there and its not like I am leaving him with strangers which is a total blessing and I am very grateful that my in-laws are able and capable to watch him....I was just a little sad because this 8 weeks had flown by and this time out with him had come to an end. I am however thankful that I'm just going back part-time. It would of killed me to be away from him longer than 25 hours a week. I just cant believe this 8 weeks is over. He was here with me for 9 months in my womb....then 8 weeks  in the world and now we have to be separated a few hours a day. Yea its only 5 hours a day....but still he is so young. I feel like in a way we just got to know each other and build this bond. I didn't want our 24/7 time to end...or at least I wasn't ready for it to end so abruptly and quickly.

But, I know this is only the beginning of being away from him. Eventually he will go on to pre-school, then Kindergarten, then college, and one day into the arms of his wife and his own family. Ahhhh....I pray time doesn't go too fast so I can enjoy him. I  think one can never know how powerful time can be until you have a baby....or at  least I didn't. You realize a moment is worth the world...that minutes are precious...that hours are definitely blessing...and a day is truly a gift.

Lately, the thought of being a stay at home mom has infiltrated my thought process. I never thought being a stay at home mom was something I would of wanted to do....never. But, now its all I want to do. Stay home...raise John, take care of Nick and our home. Is that too much to ask? But, now a days it seems like that's not even the norm or financially an ability for most couples. Nick and I have seriously cut back so much...and honestly we have financially sat down and tried to cut areas that we possibly could and still it wasn't possible for me to be a full time stay at home mom...at least on paper it did not make sense at all. We would be severely under each month. Oh...but the Lord knows the desires of my heart. I am earnestly praying that He opens up other doors of opportunities for Nick job wise to where financially that could be an option for me. I know He will provide....and I know He will work this out for us...its the patience part that gets me every time.

So while I'm waiting, praying and anticipating...I know it will get better! Transitionally it will take some time and a bit of an adjustment to get back into the swing of things. I usually adapt and over come situations pretty well...I guess I get that from the military. I know I will look back on this down the road and say "boy...that was a piece of cake!" But, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes is hard...when it seems like your riding through a foggy tunnel. hehe. I can't  wait however to see what all God has in store for us through all of this! What an adventure...and I'm ready for it...stay at home mom or not...working mom or not. As long as I have Nick, the Lord and my little man...life is good.

2 months too soon!

So my little precious son will be 2 months old this Tuesday...ummm yea...I can't believe that...that is too soon!!!! This mean's that I am headed back to work soon! Actually, next week I will be back to the ole bump & grind. My heart is at a bittersweet stand still. Part of me is excited about getting out into the work force again, seeing some of my friends and just having some me time, but part of me is so sad to leave my little boy even if it is part-time. My hours will be 3:30-8:30 wed-sat. Not too happy with the schedule, but this is all that my work was able to offer me due to business need. So this also means a little less time with Nick. Our date nights will be pretty slim, which stinks, but I am praying now that God will open up other job opportunities....and hopefully a better schedule for me.


Since having John God has shown me so much! One of the things is that I have taken our marriage and my time with Nick for granted. I now know how precious that time is with him. For the last 7 weeks I have been consumed with John 24/7, which I have loved every minute of and wouldn't trade it for the world, but Nick and I both have put each other on the back burner...and in a way I have missed US time. Although, not spending enough one on one time is expected and 100% normal with a new born, however, we can't neglect our time together too. Our relationship is crucial to the well-being of our marriage and for John as parents to him. So please pray with me that God allows opportunity for schedule changes to come open where Nick and I get to have more dates nights and spend more time one on one together regularly.

Next thoughts... here are some updates on baby J: Since the last post a couple weeks ago...he has been recognizing us more and now giggles and coo's when we tickle him or play with his feet. Oh gosh...it just melts my heart to hear him. I wonder what his little voice will sound like one day when he calls us mom or dad? Can't wait! He also has started sleeping a bit more at night...praise the Lord! Starting this week he has been going on 4 hour stretches at night. What a relief. I never thought he was going to do that...and was secretly freaking out that I was never going to get any sleep ever again, and I was going to walk around like a zombie until he turns 18 years old. Boy...your mind can sure run away with you when you are sleep deprived!!!

John has been eating more too...7 ounces is the most he has eaten in one feeding to date!!!! Look at my big boy go! lol. Its crazy when we brought him home from the hospital he was only eating an ounce or so...now he's up to 7! Ahhh...where did the time go??? He also has a little blocked tear duct that the doctor told me I needed to massage regularly...bless his heart. Sometimes when he wakes up it is crusted shut. I have mentioned this to them because that definitely does not seem normal, but they just keep saying to massage it and wipe it out daily with warm wash cloth. I hope it opens up soon. I feel bad for his wittle eye.

We recently had to put up his Newborn clothing....oh man...this made me so weepy. So excited and happy that he is growing and healthy, but just know he will never be back in those tiny clothes again is sooo sad. I just know though with each growth spurt he is growing into the little child and one day man God has planned and I am so excited to be apart of his precious journey through life. I am one honored mother.

So ending thoughts....I'm heading back to work next week...John is trucking along great....and God is so good. Until next time....God bless!



ps. Last doctors visit with John on August 20th John was 10 lbs 4oz  and 23 inches long. :)

He's here!!!!

John Nicholas Travaglini
Born July 17th 2012
@ 9:52 pm
7 lbs 2 oz 21 inches


Our long awaited little miracle is finally here and has graced our world with his presence!! The last 5 weeks have been beautifully exhausting. John was delivered via c-section so the first couple weeks at home I was amped up on pain killers on top of being sleep deprived, hormonal and just an all round new mother...I felt like a walking zombie. But, my incision from surgery  for the most part has healed, my body has gotten use to the crazy sleep schedule and being a mother is starting to come much more natural. I so love being a mother and discovering the world of parenting with Nick. I know it only gets better and I am over the moon excited to see this little life grow up to be the man he becomes and the plans God has for him. I still sometimes am in shock and complete awe when I look at his beautiful face. I can't believe he is ours...and this is real. God has been so good and faithful to us. Just a year ago on Johns birthday (July 17th) is the day I actually miscarried for the second time...and now exactly a year later I gave birth to John on that day. This was all a God thing hands down. Only God could orchestrate timing like that. For He foreknew John would be born just a year later. That is truly a miracle.The Lord was giving us back what was taken from us and most of all He was showing me that He is yet again in control. We are so ever thankful and feel blessed beyond measure that John is here, happy, healthy and safe in our arms...couldn't ask for more. What a mighty God we serve.

So here is a little update on how John has been doing so far.

Eating: He eats every 2 to 3 hours. Sometimes if we are out running errands and he is in car seat for a period of time he can go to a 4 hour stretch. When he eats...he makes all sorts of noises...which is totally adorable. He does have a pretty strong suction though and can chomp down a 4 oz bottle in minutes. I did breastfeed John exclusively in the hospital and for the first week home. So for about 2 weeks straight he was breast fed. I then introduced formula at night because I was getting worried about falling asleep while breastfeeding him and had a few scares with actually doing that. Then I think the formula got to be a whole lot easier and more of a convenience while out and about that breastfeeding has pretty much tapered off with him. But, I am thankful that he got the bulk of nutrients right after birth with the colostrum and that I got to have a ton of bonding time with him too. Breast feeding is a natural way to feed, but it can be exhausting. I recommend it though for every new mother...at least try it!

Sleeping: Like any baby he sleeps and eats. The first 3 weeks home I was just trying to survive with being sleep deprived myself and adjusting to his sleeping schedule. But, now that he is going on 5 weeks...I have been trying to keep him up a little bit more during the day so he can increase the number of hours he sleeps at night. So far so good!

Weight: The day he left the hospital he dropped down to 6lbs 8 oz. At his first doctors appointment, a week after he was born, he was up to 6 lbs 11 oz . Then exactly a week later he was 7lbs 14 oz! Little man must of hit a growth spurt. He heads to the doctor tomorrow for his one month check up so I am anxious to see how much he has grown in 5 weeks!



Looks/Features: Well...he came out with a head full of hair! Wasn't surprised...because I had horrible indigestion and acid reflux...so I knew he would have a ton of something up on that cute little head of  his. He also has the cutest button nose! He has full lips and round bluish eyes...everyone says he looks like Daddy, but I swany sometimes I can see me as a baby in him from looking back at my baby pictures. But, I know he is going to have my personality anyways so at least he will have something to remind me and everyone of mommy -he just makes the funniest facial expressions that seem a bit over dramatic...can't wait to laugh and cut up with him.  He has long fingers and short stubby toes with the second toe being longer than the first big toe...which I will have to investigate and find out who in our family has toes like that...because mine and Nicks are not like that all. I will be interested to see who the culprit is...lol its really adorable though! He also has a receding hair line which donned him the name "Benji Butt" lol. There is this movie about a boy named "Benjamin Button" (Brad Pitt plays the character) that was born with a disease that made him old...and as he ages he actually gets younger. Little John sometimes looks like an old man with receding hair line and certain facial expressions he makes. I just love to kiss his nose and cheeks when he makes them! Awww...my little Benji Butt!!!


Extras: Some other things that have happened is that he graduated from new born diapers to size 1 and he is already in 0-3 month clothing in some stuff. So most of his new born clothes I have already had to put up. It was so bitter sweet. I am excited for him to grow, but sad because I know I will never get that back again. I am looking forward to laughing and communicating with him. I know my heart will just melt the day he locks eyes at me and just grins and not because he is passing gas, but because he is happy at what he see's! He also loves his bouncer and his swing and it actually seems like his is listening at times when I read or sing to him. I have tried to introduce him to Charlie on several occasions. He hasn't really noticed him yet...but can't wait till he does! I am eager to see what he thinks!

John all around is such a good baby. He only gets fussy or cries when he is hungry or has bad gas. At first he didn't like baths or having his diaper changed, but every day he was home he got more and more use to it...and now he just coo's and ahh's as his diaper is being changed. He also makes the cutest, but weirdest noises all the time. Nick calls him "Little Noise-Maker". It sort of sounds like a gurgling, grunting noise. He does it when he eats, when he sleeps, when he is awake etc. Pediatrician said that it was him trying to be vocal already.  Such a smart boy he is. Actually he really is...at 2 1/2 weeks he rolled over on his back from being on his belly. We couldn't believe it! We thought since the summer Olympics were on he was inspired, but maybe he is just a fast learner. He loves to cuddle and loves to sleep on my chest while face down on his stomach. I love seeing his many facial expressions when he is waking up. Especially, when he sticks his little tongue out and keeps it there for a minute. I just want to eat it...lol not really, but you know what I mean. He also does a really good "Popeye" impression. We will catch him with one eye opened. He has done that since day one in the hospital. It makes us laugh every time. He is already a character (she he has mommy's crazy personality already...I'm honored). He smiles and sometimes giggles in his sleep and we have snapped some pretty awesome pictures and filmed it a couple times already. The pediatrician also said that is a sign he is content and at peace! Awww that made my heart so happy to hear that!

Well...I can sense John is waking up for his next feeding so I must go for now. I will have to post his birth story in the next blog post that I write. Wow...his birth story?!?! Time flies!! Months ago I was writing his conception story...before I know it he will be graduating high school!!!!!!!!

                                       I love my little man! Thank you Jesus for his precious life.

John's Poem

Sweet lovely child you are.
Little space invader of my womb.
You who were once a prayer and dream,
Has now infiltrated my everything.

You crept so quietly into this glorious place.
You nestled in and invaded my sacred space.
What a precious secret being of mine.
Tiny expander of my heart and waistline.

A beloved dear joy and treasure you are,
One who is our most brightest star.
Awaiting to gaze at that mysterious face,
And to wrap you up in our loving embrace.

Oh, what beautiful grace has been shown,
By God to something so perfect and not yet known.
Your already our tiny adored gift from above.
One who has put our hearts into overdrive with love.

So, my sweet heavenly child you are.
My little space invader of my womb.
One who was once a prayer and dream.
That has now infiltrated my everything.

Please don't delay another day.
Come to us soon, this is what I pray.
What a precious secret being of mine.
Beautiful expander of my heart and waistline.



Love always,

      Mommy

39 1/2 weeks....and still waiting!

C'mon little man! I thought you would of been here by now, but I guess your loving the food and the nice warmth of mommy's tummy! BUT, want to see you and hold you already!

Had my 39 week doc appointment on Tuesday and everything is checking out great for baby John. Had a NST test performed, checked blood pressure and urine for protein. Everything came back great! Last week, Doctor was a little concerned about my blood pressure spiking and finding protein in my urine and had almost wanted to induce me on Sunday if things weren't looking up. Thankfully, he didn't have to. I truly want John to come on his own...because I know it would be better that way. I want to try for a natural child birth and Doc told me that if he did have to wind up inducing me, I could potentially be in labor for 24-36 hours because of my cervix only being dilated 1 cm. AHHHH...CRIKEYS! We def can't have that! So, it's not that I am totally ruling out a epidural or any type of drug intervention. I at least want to try Demerol or some form of mild pain killer to take the edge off a bit. My  mom and mother in law both had births with no epi and if they can do it...I just know I can!



Anywho...


So here we are just sitting and waiting...twiddling our thumbs and doing last minute little things like cleaning and making sure everything is ready for baby John's arrival. I tell you...I can hardly sleep. I am so anxious...nervous...excited...sitting in absolute anticipation 24/7 thinking that at any minute or with any pain or twinge felt that this could be it...this is the time! I pray that he comes soon...mostly I pray that he is happy, healthy and there are no complications. I can't believe that 39 weeks ago...we were praying for me to get pregnant....now I am praying that he comes any minute. God is so good. We are so blessed and so thankful for his little life that we will cherish and love to pieces!

ps. My birthday is Monday July 16th...so that would be pretty stellar if he came on my birthday. I would not mind sharing it with him the rest of my and his life. It would be beautiful and the best birthday gift ever! So....with all that being said...hopefully next time I blog....I'll be blogging a pic of him and his measurements...date and time!